Falling in Colors

Jinhee Park Kim

 I see unique colors in each person. Although there are distinctive colors among Asians, Whites, Blacks, and others, I can find out differences in each person’s colors as soon as I spend some time with each of them.

 I see mostly warm colors from those who have soft and gentle characters. On the other hand, cold colors appear to me if personalities are tense or angry. Years ago, when I started painting, I was taught that there were two kinds of primary color groups such as red, yellow, and blue in both warm and cold tones. I learned I could mix those six pigments and complete any watercolor painting almost perfectly. I thought it was enough for me to simply paint the world with warmth or coldness through my limited palette of the pigments that I understood at that time.

 Then I was stunned to see many more colors existed after all. It gradually happened when I began to actively meet more people while working as a volunteer, going to school, and working as a nurse with the infirmed and afflicted. I have to admit that prior to that, it was my personal prejudice and pride which kept me from clearly seeing the unique colors of each person.

 I used to see the world as rather dull and stereotypical, and it was easy to find only the basic colors back then. At the same time, I was rather anxious, depressed, and frustrated for my first ten years after moving to Pittsburgh from Seoul, South Korea. It took a while for me to see the true lights, and I tried carefully to step out from the vague and confused world which I perceived at that time.

 I began to recognize how colors could be changed when I first truly observed people while communicating with them, working with them, or physically taking care of them. When I began to release my prejudices, I was able to see things more clearly as I approached them with an open mind, similar to  someone with a near sighted vision who puts on corrective lenses for the first time. But I can tell you that it is hard to discriminate some colors exactly when you experience events like the following examples.

 There was a 55 year old white female patient suffering from a traumatic brain injury in the hospital. She was in a coma under the condition of DNR (‘Do Not Resuscitate’). As her nurse, I was very impressed as I witnessed her family members and friends’ circling her prostrate body, and beginning to pray upon their arrival in my unit. I saw her husband singing and holding her hands with a warm smile and a quiet voice for days and nights. She became conscious one early in the morning. As her pallor improved, and her face regained a pink color, she began radiating mysterious colors to all those present in her small room.

 Another time when I saw the colors, came when I was caring for a pregnant 34 year old African American patient. She was transferred to us from a prison for questionable neurological problems. I had no idea why she was incarcerated, and it did not bother me to care for her. There were two big guards watching her around the clock. They kept her shackled to the bed, and would use a key to unlock the chains on her ankles from her bed in order to let her go to the bathroom. She was expecting a baby in a few weeks as far as I remember. I was thinking, how far she could go with her pregnant body in chains? It struck me that her feelings or expressions also seemed to be chained. Each time I went into her room I was saddened by the cold and dark colors I saw radiating from on her face. So the next time she was released to go to the bathroom, I held her by the hands and treated her with the utmost respect just as I would any other person. I noticed that her facial expression seemed to slowly change. We began talking about her unborn baby, chatting easily and face to face as though I had always known her. Then I was able to see the dark colors fade replaced by brightening sunflower colors. That made me smile.

 I now recognize that as I meet more valuable people, like these two women, more pigments seem to be added to my palette. I feel happy when I can harmonize with people without the specific prejudice and preconceived notions which I used to have. They seem to willingly give me their own unique colors as gifts whenever I observe them, although they are not aware of it. It is really meaningful for me when I see the relationships between their own colors and uniqueness.

 I am grateful for falling in love with all those different colors of the people in the world. I would like strive to become a better artist as I continue to enjoy, and paint this rich colorful world.