My Adopted Grandson, William

                                                              Sook Ja Yu                                                                        

As if Hyun read my mind, the phone rang. It had been some time since we last spoke.  Hyun and Elizabeth took leave from their work to travel to Kansas to be with pregnant lady who is carrying William.  When it was time, both Hyun and Elizabeth went to the delivery room to cut the umbilical cord. It was such a moving experience that it brought tears to their eyes. The birth of a baby is truly the work of God, it reminds us how sacred and precious human lives are. About 2 weeks later they sent William’s pictures, a healthy baby boy.  He especially has the typical nose that was a characteristic of a black person.

Occasionally, Hyun mentioned that he wanted to adopt a baby in passing conversations. Last Christmas, he said that they have located a baby that they may be able to welcome home soon.  Since 9-11, adopting babies overseas has been very difficult, so it is easier to adopt black babies.  My involuntary response was “What, a black baby?” Hyun and Elizabeth’s reaction to my remark was with surprise. It seemed to them that I am a racist. I only assumed that if Hyun and Elizabeth decided to adopt it would be an Asian baby.  That was my assumption.  I was lost for words.  I am sure that Hyun and Elizabeth did not make the decision lightly to adopt and it happened to be a black baby.   It was their decision and who can argue with that decision.

I commend Hyun and Elizabeth’s decisions, but I could not help think about the make up of their family – Asian father, Caucasian mother and Black baby.  I was mostly concerned about William, growing up with an Asian father and Caucasian mother may cause him to be teased at school.  People in his community may also not be kind to him. This mindset was the result of my upbringing in Korea, which is a country (predominantly Korean) populated heavily with single race, unlike the United States.  The United States is a melting pot based on immigration communities where we learn to live and respect other cultures.

It is Hyun and Elizabeth’s decision to adopt a black baby and I had to respect that. I could not immediately express my happiness over their decision and they were puzzled. Not understanding my hesitation – they were probably thinking “Adopting a baby to provide a warm loving home is a noble thing to do, but why is Mom filled with deep thoughts?”  I believed that given time, they will be able to conceive a baby who will have the traits of handsome Hyun and beautiful Elizabeth.

Both Hyun and Elizabeth went to the same college and they have been residing in Santa Barbara for a long time.  Elizabeth majored in French and when she was studying abroad, Hyun and Elizabeth fell in love.  Shortly after she returned to US, they got married.

It is my speculation that since Elizabeth has severe allergies and is under heavy medication, that is why it was difficult for her to conceive.  Elizabeth has some food allergies so she was not getting the proper nutrition to maintain healthy body to be able to bear a child.  Maybe that is why they opted for the adoption. Elizabeth is 3 years older than Hyun and I knew it would be difficult to conceive a baby as a mother gets older.  So with great caution, I asked Hyun about having a baby when there was no announcement of a baby after 5 years of marriage.  Hyun said it was impolite to ask such personal question.  Hyun’s response was difficult for me to understand. I was not prying; rather I was concerned as a mother who wants nothing more than all happiness between Hyun and Elizabeth. Since this incident, I have never brought up this topic.

I was flipping though a magazine and came across an article of Mrs. Joann, who is the wife of a vice president of a famous company. They adopted 6 children, of which 3 are Korean, when they already had 2 biological children.  Raising 8 children is hectic and chaotic at times, but they get so much joy and happiness from all 8 children.  I was able to erase all my concerns about adoption after her interview.

It took Hyun and Elizabeth 5 years to go through the adoption process due to thorough background and compatibility checks.  Not just the arduous waiting process, but it is also costly.  They considered adoption after 5 years into their marriage; and for 10^th anniversary, they were awarded with a healthy baby boy.

William Tedros Yu – the name of my only grandson.  Hyun’s older brother, Richard agreed to be William’s legal guardian after careful consideration.  William who was born in a small town in Kansas as a seventh baby is now the first child of my son’s family.  I have yet to meet my first grandson, but hope to get this opportunity soon.

Now that I think back, I regret that I did not show immediate enthusiasm of adoption.  Korean culture heavily emphasizes blood relationships.  I was totally engulfed in that culture.

Since the Korean War in 1950, we had so many war-orphans that we were labeled as a country that exports children.  Many war orphans were adopted by generous and loving parents all over the world provided them families otherwise they would not have.  I knew all this in my head, but when adoption became part of my son’s family, I was not able to embrace the thought immediately.

I am truly blessed with Hyun and Elizabeth’s decisions, as we are all Gods children, that they have the warmth and care to provide a loving home for those who are less fortunate.  I pray every day, every waking moment that William is healthy and walk in God’s light.  I am proud of Hyun and Elizabeth and I thank God that they are blessed with William.